A broken encephalon !

Hi-to-all-o-u! Welcome back after a bit of an uncertain hiatus...but anyways good to be online again penning my views. My ruthless mind is well described in a saying remembered in times when we wish it passed quickly... yes the saying " An empty mind is a devil's workshop" becomes the best phrase my mind can think of now. The numerous thumbing has indeed made my fingerprints vanish a little... thumbing whilst wishing for a glimpse of the ever so rarifying opportunity that brings hope to the hundreds of beings like me in search of something to make ends meet..ofcourse i mean the start to making a living on our own.. i mean the "JOB".


Sometimes i feel that may be its too early to spread wings or may be not...i wonder what! I hope to part with those thinkings for now wishing the convocation to be held on june 3rd will serve me better. The feeling of oneness that we shared during those days makes me feel how dramatic can human lives be. The life as a vicious circle reminds me of the giant ferries wheel that we board and strap on for a ride expecting nothing but the unexpected alone. The opportunity to converge with that mass again is a thought which is giving me sleepless nights.. those that as a child everyone ought to have experienced before a day like dewali or christmas awaiting for the dawn to signal the celebration to begin.


But i wonder how many fellow beings think like me.. Its not just another convergence we see. this is the day we receive the honour ...to honour our parents in turn.. The feeling what a parent derives cant be penned down with mere assimilation of my lexicon. sure we will experience it too later. People nowadays forget that things have to be used and people be treasured and not people to be used and things treasured!


Convocation day has always being synonymous with free food.. yes the food we earn( read steal) for catering to the guests who come to our hostel for dinner. While the beautiful sight of beautiful people( the other sex ofcourse :) ) bring joy to us , the sight of our staff coming along is when we start playing hide and seek, the game of life in some ways. After parting with the crowd i still remember how we would go scavenging for the leftover excess food like wild hyenas.

Those memories remind me once again how fast time flies past or .....once flew past!.. for now as i sit idly at home drafting my future plan, i begin to wonder how am i going to spend my days at home productivily. For quite some time my hostel had been my "home away from home" but not anymore. The same home i longed to stay longer on my short visits during holidays is proving a tough place to be in (idly). I wonder may be the interraction with my old friends during convocation will bring my parched mind some ray of hope but as always i expect nothing but uncertainity for i am still on that same ferris wheel ride like everybody else !. I hope someone out there finds my cry in the rain. So long mate. Later.

Last Night at the CORPORATION :( :) :(

As i sit munching on a chocolate cookie bought from the eerily deserted cafe at the CORPORATION ( the corp from now on) , i feel a sense of cold blood rushing in.. It was a day that i was almost every day thinking about,thinking it to come soon....now atlast i sit in my cube penning my last blog from the corp...A place where i saw strangers turn into friends and where i learnt the first professional way people chide too!!!,,. i still hear my laughs lingering in my head .. those were the days i spent staring spookily the monitors throwing on me some mesmerising random junk data patterns more like the notable ones from the movie Matrix .. those who teamed with me in the initial weeks at the corp should have noticed how i was a person so different that time than one now.. the credit surely goes to the corp for that change in me aided by this so called recession....

This night was strangely different for my lights at the cube had gone down.. only the brigtness of my laptop screen was now slightly marring the veil of darkness around me. Today i feel a tad slow to type too for my fingers have become lethargic after hours of filling forms and signing, completing the formalities of my LDO ( Last Day @ Office ).. sure enought it isnt still completed ...

The cube now has started reverberating with voices of homo sapiens involved in a dreaded alien language of VLSI.... talks of clock margins,, skews,... jitters... flipflops.. damn.. all these were driving me nuts.. but i sit ironically enjoying these, as this is my last day at corp after all !.. Not that i dont enjoy these but its just that as a saying goes.." Too much of anything is good for nothing""...

For one last time , i head for a stroll, keen to observe and take mental picture of the corp in its glory...The glory it basks in .. The glory which in my opinion is too gory from inside.. now u think , "Not again ! Another sarcastic writing !! Damn..wish i never read it.." cool... i wish to part with my sarcastic writing , atleast give a try from now onwards. so calm down...

One good thing that i can say that happened during my internship period is that i made more friends, some friends whom seem to share more of my passion and some who seemed to share more of my sorrows.. nonetheless its this truth that i am happy about in the end.... reminds me of one bollywood movie line " if the ending is not good... sure its not the ending.." certainly atleast this internship has taught me to ponder more, more to understand people and more about relationships....afterall happiness is a state of the mind ... having that i end my final blog from the corp with tint of smile on my face :)

A day @ the CORPORATION!

My apologies to all-o-u if i had sounded too sarcastic in earlier posts!....Now I am pretty excited to spill the beans atlast :). Inspite of signing NDA at the CORPORATION i still feel i can share much of what my routine monotonous tasks are about. Many people move with an aura of self accomplished complacent debonair, more gross to look at than anything in this world. No , i m not talkin abt any of my friends for they cant be if they were that way! .. but of one person who got all the attention one can ever deserve...name tats so popular u can even find somebody discussing in blogs...CORPORATION was filled with people whom u can either get inspired off or get pissed off..i had encouters with more of the latter to say the truth.. Amid this population surrounding me , there was a lonely duckling, waiting to make a mark, and yes that was me!

My routine tasks involved too much of an use of a product Bill Gates & Co had developed. Tasks that call for involuntary breaks because of their mundane nature. Anyways i had no issues with the so called project i was never "assigned" to but "associated" with till now. Desires to design and learn saw an end, seemed more like a light at the end of a tunnel, an endless horizon , a space so void of matter.,, i guess its my grey matter that has become void now!!!...

As i continue penning my blog, my task calls for an attention which i never longed to provide. A 20 mins of freedom marred by a week long solution starved problem which crops every now and then. As i timeshare with blog and my task, i feel good that it has afterall made me hone my timemanagement skill :)... A break to cater to my task now...brb

This part of my life is called " Internship"!

Hi to all-o-u!.. Its been quite a while since i hav written something of a feel good blog (as they call )...but anyways i say the truth ,mostly seeming to be paradoxical in nature... But truth strangely seems that way most of the time.. My internship which is abt to see an end on May 22 has given me so much meaning to many things i din know before...
i have loads of stuff to pen ,for my internship has been a part of life where i have seen so much, heard so much, learnt soo much... not abt processors or chips..... but about people and life...

With an enthusiasm of a newborn child endeavoring to stretch its tender fingers to feel the world for the first time, I started from my home awaiting the new journey of my life, my first flight alone!... Yes , it was a Jet. As many would have experienced , there was my family to send off. As i hopped into the cabin i was welcomed by an angelic airhostess who charmed me with her smile more of a grin as i nearly got flabbergasted!.

As the fight took off, there was this hard lump in my throat , born out off this strange experience. The flight seemed to dip a little, only then I realized how fast time has flown by.. (Flown indeed here..). Time for me to step into the Garden City as it was called once...s, its Bangalore where people say that a stone thrown will land 99% on software pro and where not hindi or kannada dominate as regional language but C++, Dotnet and stuff!... strange indeed!

As i sat by the window seat in a Red VOLVO bus costing me 150 bucks for a trip of 50 Kms to the city, I felt a land so strange run below my feet,for what it had to offer me in future reminded more of myself,,, one i couldnot guess!

There once i reached , got greated by schoolmate who has been so kind of a friend in fact till now, a friend because of whom i began to reinvent the meaning of trust, for betrayal had been the fashion with most of my friends!. A PG worth 6.5k no bigger than two dining tables is wat v could afford. Filling it with bed and stuff, I began to start my part of life called INTERNSHIP!...

Alighting from an auto i got my first glimpse of the CORPORATION....My first day as a corporate.. Damn it was soo good.. every thing has a place and everything in its place.. reminded me of japanese or (chinese) methodology.. With an id tag around my neck i felt as if i was on cloud nine for this seemed stranger because i always hated it while in col...New friends peeped in.. more managers.. and more importantly .. MORE WORK..:( got into my life....All this only for a week remained good then turned bad to worse for it headed into a vicious circle of boredom.

When it started , i thought it as a prelude for things on my plate to come..but not so....Jubiliant people all around me....(sounds of machines in work)....all what now i think was a blessing in disguise!.. Time passed with strong feelings of having missed the last semester..., the joy my friends there never chose to part , that ever so happy faces which i loved to bear but never could.....and boy that famously notorious class i was in... all felt like a lost compass for a mariner...

The job( more of a task assigned ) shattered my mind, ruined my hopes most importantly changed the course of my internship for it demanded more of physical strenous work than one that could have given to a mind athirst for knowledge , a challenge i wished for.. crap it couldnt get any worse...No issues with the work tough.. its the persona of the officials. the policies of the CORPORATION .. more importantly the economic situation to be blamed,. soo good to start yet so bad to end :( Interns for most part i guess are treated this way, used for temporary deeds and then spit out when done of deeds.
Dirty deeds sure doesn come cheap.....

more to follow..

Passion meets passion!

Ah.. Atlast I found out of the blue a human with interests similar to mine in a place I least expected to encounter. More in the following weeks to come.... But sadly this aint gonna stay for long as I am abt to quit the place I met that person :( .. I think sad enough for me to brag abt this for a change than abt my fate for upcoming blogs of mine...This in the end once again teaches me a lesson that you can never gauge a person easily for that keeps throwing on my plate ever so bigger surprises time and again....

Some where I belong

For some this blog may ring a bell or two but for the most part its what I have to say to all of you.......

When I began I had nothing to say and I got lost in the nothingness inside of me....
I was confused and I let it all out to find that I’m not the only person with these things in mind!!! But all the vacancy the words revealed is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel as I have nothing to lose.

I just got stuck...hollow and alone
thinking the fault is my own, and yes the fault is my own!
I want to find something I’ve wanted all along, and thats
Somewhere I belong.

And I’ve got nothing to say as I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face.
I was confused looking everywhere only to find that it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind ...,,so what am I???

What do I have but negativity because I cannot justify the way, everyone is looking at me.
Again and again I feel that the fault is my own, and yes its my own.. but still have to go on and on...

I am BACK !

let me first start by thanking u for coming back .. Yes i m back too with this blog... but unlike what u think its not me or you who is back but my fate is back.... wondering y this guy keeps writing melancholy blogs bragging abt FATE?? yes.. for reasons i m abt to explain u ll get to the bottom of this at the end..

Some people call it GOD , some people call it LUCK, i call it "FATE.". yes fate.. u read that right...for god is explained as one which gives us hope, the hope Obama chose to use wisely too and one i m in need....and luck is explained as one which aids at times ... But fate as i explain is one which challenges u... one that defines u, as for most part it cant be changed.. u need to alter ur course to win that.. no other go...and for the other part , it defines ur destiny...

Either u agree with fate decides destiny or destiny defines fate,, the truth abt fate and destiny is common.. NOTHING CAN BE CHANGED... for change is the only unchanging nature of fate which u cant change... !! thinking enough of talking abt change.. alright let me change topic for a change then....coming to the part which explores ways in which i was challenged by fate, the first in list would be my placement season.. boy -o-boy wat a season it was... passed for most part like a gentle breeze skimming leaves of the surface of cold uncharted pond... but to me my five years of col life was a strenuous voyage for which i m still is search of destination.. as many would have heard , its a journey into the unknown...

You put in the best of the efforts awaiting reward.. but nothing happens.. may be u need to wait a liitle more.. or may be u need to put little more efforts.. or ....may be .......its the expectation for the reward which will sow seeds for disappointments later or i m not sure...to dissect this mess
on a different note lets view this ....you walk by the road, giving no trouble wat so ever to any fellows.. on your way to reach the destination..out of the blue like a blot ,u are hit by a car from behind by a speeding metal junk lost control due to a tyre run flat by running over a slumbering stone driven by a drunken moron... as u wake up in the ward of an unknown infirmary, u seem to wonder.. was it the mistake of you? or was it the moron who drove that rumbling metal over that stone or was it the stone itself the reason u r here..... u never know.. but one thing is sure.. it wasnt ur fault...the fate as i know is ..... it made u walk that road.. made that moron to run the car and hit u.... but its the same fate that has given u the hope again.. u could have been sent to cemetery but fate sent u to this ward...now this challenges u to have hope and move on...and this my friend is wat i consider the fate... fate that gives us hope and challenges us to view life as a never ending struggle to survive against odds come wat may... enough bragging abt hope and fate in this.. conserving for next i guess...

So... u think a blog that does not talk anything clear and is written by a confounded mind has made u waste time??? u wonder wat fate made u go through this blog?? tats fate my friend ....fate as i say,..always triumphs..so long mate...!

As the saying goes.. "THIS HAPPENS TO ALL !!! " DAMN IT Doesnt !

Its pretty amazing to think how my spirits were high enough to even think abt happiness and write my first blog...yes it was....sometimes i think how easily some say """ come on man!!!.. dont live in past... see the future???... ok i agreee..... nothing is going to change thinking abt past.. Time to move on Buddy!!!... but.. for how long can a person stay spirited thinkin some good oppurtunity is on the way.. so its good experience to have the failure... think of the failure as an oppurtunity to move on....blah blah blah......

Sometimes its often witnessed that some ppl almost always get things done their way.. be it anyting... as smooth as hot knife in butter... my sincere request .. FORGOT THOSE *******......
But it never was the case with me or at least till now... I do think there is some problem in myself for how long can a person be blaming FATE for all ill happenings?...come on.. it has to be something with my fate of course as many things in life as i have seen so far arent in our hands... FATE has it all..!!! I always think that expectations bring disappointments .. I think i had many of those to have experienced many disappointments.. every new one teaches me a lesson.. be it friendship or TRUST that i usually fall pray to....of course i m talking of the disappointments i have walked along into my life....


It makes me think sometimes that a calm mind is wat i need to think better.. think of the future.. wat has happened was never in my hand.. so move on....... but it has been a difficult one to maintain.... mind never sleeps i guess.. thats y v get dreams too even if the body sleeps... calm minds are the best pocession one can have... notice the MINDS that i have used.. its that one v show the world and other v r ashamed of or more secretive v discuss less of......may be i need to substitute v with ME....but watever..

By this time someone like you who has taken time to read this bullshit would have noticed that i write blog to let off some steam in me.. things that i guess should be shared with someone.. obviously i m not in a perfect spirit now to share. so i write blog.. some way to make my mind calm...i write wat i feel good abt.. not for promos or for the fun of it.... may be now i feel little better having spent some time thinking out of the box...Hmmm... now u think y u read this.... but again .. watever!!